Moms supporting moms
A few weeks ago, on our podcast Good Grief Momma, we talked about the importance of good mom groups and how it was hard to find the right ones. One of the main reasons that it is hard, is because we need to be in groups where moms are fully supporting other moms.
This means that we cannot be in groups where everyone shares how wonderful their lives are but never shares when things are going wrong. The opposite is true also, that we cannot be in groups where we are always complaining about our kids and husbands and are never able to share our blessings. Here is why.
When you only share the highs…
After a while these groups turn into brag fests, constantly trying to one up each other. I have been with other moms sometimes where every time I see them their kids have achieved another goal/trophy or their husband has been promoted or they took an expensive vacation. Now I want to clarify that all of these things are amazing, but when I am with moms like this, I feel like there is no room for my sadness or anxiety. I also find myself fudging the truth about my life and giving half truths about my family. I end up feeling fake and honestly even more sad and anxious.
When you only share the lows…
We all have our own burdens and it is great to be able to share those burdens with friends. Especially other moms who have been there or who know what it's like to have little ones at home. The problem comes when every time you get together it is a pity party. These kinds of moms always seem to be upset and the conversation always revolves around them and their problems. Two things happen here, either you try to compare sorrows and it is almost like you are trying to win and see who has it worse. Or you have some great news to share but you feel like you cannot show that you have some joy in your life because it will make them feel bad.
But when you have both…
When you are able to share your highs and lows with your mom friends it can be life changing. You have someone who will lift you up in times of trouble. Someone who will bring you dinner because you are tired and recently had your second kid. Or someone who will hold you while you cry. These moms will also rejoice with you when your child reaches a new milestone or give you a hug on your significant wedding anniversary. A true picture of moms supporting moms is feeling support from all sides and in all aspects of life. Where we spend less time judging and more time supporting.