why I apologize to my kid

Today (and a lot of days if I’m being honest) I apologized to my 3 year old. He was acting up and disobeying and I was tired. He disobeyed and pulled his hatch night light out of the plug and that was my last straw. I yelled and then told him it was nap time (which to be fair, it was). I plugged the light back in and marched out of his room leaving him in his room to sleep. 

He cried for a little bit and then grabbed a book to read in bed. He seemed to be just fine. But I knew that once I had calmed down, I needed to go back in and apologize. Why did I need to apologize? There are 3 main reasons why I apologize to my kid.

First is that it is my job to show him how to manage big feelings. I didn’t manage mine well in that moment and responded poorly. That’s not how I want him to learn to handle his emotions. So when I fail to manage my emotions well, like he will inevitably, I need to show him how to handle that failure. When I go back in to apologize, I tell him I’m sorry for yelling, but I also tell him what I should have done instead (i.e. taken a deep breath and said I was frustrated). My hope is that by modeling this for him, he will do it too. 

Secondly, it’s important for him to learn that everyone makes mistakes and how to handle it when you do. No one is perfect, I’m certainly not and I don’t expect him to be either. I do however expect that when he makes mistakes, he will apologize and correct his behavior. If I expect that of him, I need to expect it from myself too. This also teaches him how to forgive people when they make mistakes. When I apologize I then ask if he forgives me, we practice forgiveness and conflict resolution. 

Lastly, I apologize to my kid because I want him to know that no matter what happens, I love him and he is safe to make mistakes with me. If I were to have left the situation as it was, yelling and stomping off, then I would have left no resolution. When I came back in to apologize and ask for his forgiveness the first thing he wanted was a hug. I want him to feel safe with me and to know that even if he messes up big time, he is still loved. I’m hoping that by doing this he is open to coming to me as he gets older when he makes mistakes.

Today I apologized to my 3 year old, and I will likely have to apologize many more times before the week is over. What about you?