life expectations
When you find out that you are pregnant you have a million expectations. You have expectations for your new baby: maybe you wanted to have a boy, you wanted them to play soccer like you did, you wanted them to be an early reader, or many more. We also put expectations on ourselves as parents. Expectations like we will never be a parent that yells, we would never let our two year old have screen time, we will be able to potty train in a weekend, etc. As parents we need to hold loosely the expectations we have for our kids and for ourselves because things don’t always happen the way we want them to, in fact most of the time they don’t. Life is hard. Sometimes our kids will love music when we are tone deaf or we will struggle with potty training our kids even when we have tried all the “traditional” methods.
Grace and acceptance are what is needed to be flexible when things don’t go how we expect them to. It’s important that we are accepting our kids for the wonderful people that they will become if we encourage them and love them without restraints. I, like most moms, have had expectations for my kids that didn’t turn out as I thought they would. And for me, showing grace, acceptance and ultimately love can be really hard. I want to share some hard times that I have gone through in hopes to encourage all of you other parents out there to know that you are not alone.
An expectation that I had when I got pregnant with my first, was for my child to be healthy. I knew no children were without some health issues and I was prepared for hearing loss (which runs in my family), tree nut allergies (which I have), or needing glasses (like their dad). Instead, I had Natalie, who at 20 weeks we found out had spina bifida and it has been a continuous uphill health battle. I had dreams for Natalie that were shattered when I learned that she would be in a wheelchair most of her life. It was hard to let go of knowing that running 5ks together would never happen and that our life would look different than I imagined and expected.
An expectation I had for myself as a parent, was that potty training would be a breeze. I pushed it off with Nora until she was three because I wanted to wait until after our Disney World trip. Even then though, I still did not push it hard. However, once I started, I came to realize how hard it was. She had no desire to use the toilet and very much preferred her diaper. Eventually I started to stress. She was starting preschool soon and needed to be potty trained. She eventually got the hang of peeing in the potty, so we switched to underwear. Pooping was a different matter though and she still is not very good about going in the potty. I feel guilty for not starting sooner and embarrassed when the school calls and say she has had another accident.
I say all of this to let you know that you are NOT alone. Parenting is hard enough without putting expectations on our kids' futures and on our own parenting skills. Things I am reminding myself are to try to live more in the moment. Be happy to spend a Saturday with your kids doing what they love, if that is soccer, piano, art class, or a movie night. Also, keep in mind as you parent that no parenting style is perfect and as humans, we sometimes mess up. We get angry over a spilled cup or our kid does not poop in the potty well. Trust friends and family to help guide you and make sure in the end you are showing your kids and yourself, grace and acceptance when your expectations aren’t met.